sungguh tak cerdik

kau still bercakap dgn dia.

kau still attend kat dia.

dah tau kau senang cair dgn dia

kau still hurt diri sendiri.

kau dah x cerdik, hajar.

dah hari ke-2

masih terasa kan.

padan muka.

Big Sean says ...

I don't know if this makes sense, but you're my hallelujah.

Give me a time and place, and I'll rendezvous, and I'll fly you to it, 

I'll beat ya there. 

Girl you know I got you 

Us, trust... A couple of things I can't spell without you. 

Now we are on top of the world, 'cause that's just how we do. 

Used to tell me sky's the limit, now the sky's is our point of view. 

Man now we stepping out like wow (Oh God). 

Camera's pointed shoot, 

Ask me what's my best side, I stand back and point at you. 

You, you the one that I argue with, I feel like I need a new girl to be bothered, 

But the grass ain't always greener on the other side, 

It's green where you water it. 

So I know we got issues baby, true true true 

But I'd rather work on this with you 

Than to go ahead and start with someone new, 

As long as you love me. 

i had fun :) 

 

 

maternal instinct.

he has this wall in him, or maybe built it.
blocking his feelings towards others.
something u did dulu must have hurt him a lot.

u love him. he needs help and u'll always be there for him. it is love.
facebook sume. it's easy to forgive his anger all the time becuz u love him.
but it takes just one very small mistake from u to make him
spark back everything u did to him in the past.

he has not forgiven u, can u see that. that's why the wall is there. 

he doesn't want to deal with feelings anymore towards others or even u.
ur love x berbalas here. 

i held back my tears. ibu usap my dahi. i already know all that. 
the time when he cried on the phone flashed in my head when we almost broke up. 

stop this, aisya. stop whatever u have for him.
i cannot blame him for leading u on.
u are now in this dream that he might come back.
dia dah tentu if the feeling is there.
but it has been long. so stop this.

take a break away from him. cemana dia nak forgive if u always appear.
he still sees u dgn marah yg belum cool off. so take a break.
and i don't mean not seeing him ke apa.
get away. stop whatever u have now with him. make space.
come back when u are ready and steady. Allah akan lead u back to him,
and him to u. He wants u to be happy. but trust me dah takde apa2 da ni.
so stop ur feeling. mungkin ur real jodoh Allah delay because of this.
pray that u get surrounded by new acquaintance, who will become ur friend
and later on ur lover. so stop.

u know, i got 17th to myself and u. 

now it's ur turn. i want the best. 

pre #1

nti kalau akak rindu ara cane? 

batch ke4 (III)

i was in love with this girl from the very first day.
in love by the way she introduced her friend.
cool, i smiled to myself. a creative one in my class.
in all of my 4 classes, come to think of it.
her friend introduced her as Bean.
haa, bean??
"u know, like Mr Bean."
ah well :)

in mid semester, i was heart-brokened when she announced her topic
in a speaking lesson. "i want to talk about my girlfriend".
i'm sorry, who?
looking straight into my eyes, she repeated "my girlfriend". it jabbed my heart.
the intonation was sharp. tinggi jugak ego dia. i smiled sampai dia tertunduk.
but listening to her beautiful speech, i knew there's a little spark in her heart.
she's in love, and that's just it.

i had her in my twitter list at the end of semester.
boy, her tweets would be up to 30+ a day,
most of them would be about her sayang. about her sayang.
this subahat feeling kept haunting me for weeks, cuz the only thing i said
to her at the end of the jamuan kelas was "berubah ya Bean" in her right ear.
so i would always tutup sebelah mata and skip her tweets whenever i see her.
u see, the only thing that stopped me from reaching the cursor to the unfollow
button was to see how can this lovely girl change. remember that little spark?
yea, that.

one evening, i retweeted a post from her, not knowing what her whole story was.
a tweet that it alone seemed like a very useful advice even for myself.
she actually responded to my tweet; clueless, she said.
little did i know the actual situation that i had put myself into was rather tough.
but i love her, this fragile student. all she needed was light;
i don't know if i am one.
so there i was, diving into sea of sharks.

untuk awk Bean, after all pun jadi la.

hari-hari sy doakan moga Allah cerahkan hati awk.

moga ada boy yang buat awk jatuh hati, 

mcm sy jatuh hati suatu ketika dulu. 

indah, awk. lebih indah. 

moga hati sy juga Allah cerahkan.

oh God, did i just call her love? haha. go dai hajar.