Stupid hajar never learns her lesson.

Whhyyy did I ever think that this time it would be different.

Never learns. Heck, becomes even more stupid than stupid.

20 Feb 2016

I still remember that day. 

Allah is the best planner, and His plan outcasts others. 

What was intended to be an intimate pertemuan dua family (his parents and siblings and mine) eventually became a small majlis. And alhamdulillah it was just as intimate as how I imagined it would be when I was having usrah in Melbourne. Cousins near and far came, Shaza and Wanie and Nadia, uncles and aunties. We even had Bais streaming live from Sydney via Skype. He wore green baju melayu; the same scheme that my sisters and parents were wearing! Oh soo much love for my boy :)

And everything else happened so fast. One minute I was in my room trying hard to eavesdrop, the next minute I was seated at our living room. The next thing I knew, his mother was sitting next to me and asked for my hand. Already! What had they discussed just now??

Trying to steady myself when she turned to me, and she had the engagement ring with her. We both locked our eyes down on my finger and the ring. Having the crowd before us, she then slowly slipped the engagement ring on my finger. With bismillah, she whispered just low enough for my ears to catch her words "I hereby tunangkan Hajar dengan Safwan."

Of all the things that were blurry for me, this I remember. It was out of the blue, and I felt this new burden fell onto my shoulder and onto my lap (and onto the ring!). Not a burden per se, but a new unfamiliar responsibility rushed into me when his mother lafaz just now. "I am now tunang orang" I said to myself. Aib dan hati sendiri kena jaga lebih, hati dia kena jaga, aib dia dan family kena jaga, aib family sendiri lebih lagi. Whoa. 

Moga Allah lindungi hati saya dan awak. Moga ada keberkatan Dia dalam majlis keramaian ini. Moga pertemuan hati-hati ini ada rahmat Dia, sentiasa di atas jalan Dia. 

alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah

(she actually said Sapuwang in reference to Safwan hehehe I find that cute)

♡

a plot twist

He's coming to work at Dengkil.

Of all places. 

Dengkil. 

Of all people. 

Him. 

You see, it could have been him. But no. 

It's him alright. 

Of all times. 

When I thought I had things figured out with him. Stable. 

Of all times. 

When I'm in such a vulnerable state with him. 
Facing this fukcing thing alone, without him. 

Dear Allah, is this a test for the three of us? 

No, not for one second am I questioning 

nor have I questioned your plan for me. 
Forgive me if I have. 

It's just 

Well 

Is it okay if I know why this is happening? 

I really would like to handle this properly.  

To be fair 

To him 

To him 

To me

And still have Your barakah and blessings.

Dear Allah, can all of this be possible? 

Because I honestly thought this only happens in movies 

where people make such ridiculous stories up and laugh about it. 

Let them smirk if they knew this part of my story. I can't. 

It's not ridiculous. It's really happening. 

And I'm nervous. 

Dear Allah, 

Benar. 

Jodoh itu sampai bila-bila pun rahsiaMu. 

Ada hikmah bais fail dua paper.
Allah brought him closer to us.
Ironi nya dia stay there longer.
All the best bais ♡
Allah is teaching you to become a better person, in academic and in life and in the life-after.
We miss you.

Come home.

"I didn't get an invitation. I'm hurt," he teased.

"Consider yourself invited. It's supposedly my party, so I should be able to ask who I want."

"Thanks," he said sarcastically, and his eyes slipping closed once more.

"I wish you could come," I said without any hope. "It would be more fun. For me, I mean."

"Sure, sure," he mumbled. "That would be ... very ... ... wise ..." His voice trailed off. A few seconds later, he was snoring.

Poor Jacob. I studied his dreaming face, and liked what I saw. While he slept, every trace of defensiveness and bitterness disappeared and suddenly he was the boy who had been my very best friend before all the werewolf nonsense had gotten in the way. He looked much younger. He looked like my Jacob.

Bella

Eclipse, The Twilight Saga.

Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets (2002)

dear hajar, make good choices.

"It's nice to understand, though. And I do understand your perspective, Bella, I truly do. But I'd like it very much if you'd try to consider mine."

I'd sobered up by then, so I nodded and struggled to keep the frown off my face. His liquid golden eyes turned hypnotic as they held mine.

"You see Bella, I was always that boy. In my world, I was already a man. I wasn't looking for love - no, I was too eager to be a soldier for that. But if I had found ..." Edward paused, cocking his head to the side. "I was going to say if I had found someone, but that won't do. If I had found you, there isn't a doubt in my mind how I would have proceeded. I was that boy, who would have - as soon as discovered that you were what I was looking for - gotten down on one knee and endeavored to secure your hand for eternity."

He smiled his crooked smile at me. I stared at him with my eyes frozen wide.

"Breathe, Bella," he reminded me, smiling.

Eclipse, The Twilight Saga.