Dia nak datang raya. 

*kemas kemas*

parting is such sweet sorrow

At the airport.

A girl and four boys, saying goodbyes.

She came to me then. It was my turn to say goodbye. "You were right before," she said. "About me blushing." Her eyes didn't meet mine.

Oh?

"Is it because they're here for you, to say goodbye?" I asked.

Short pause. Her cheeks gone deep red. She looked down at the floor. 

"... because one of them is."

I was asked to be a bridesmaid, and I was about to jump up and down. 'Was about to', because I had a second thought. She and I aren't that close to begin with, we don't share the same opinions. I don't like what she likes, and she doesn't like what I like. In fact, it has actually come down to me staying on 'agreeing to disagree' path whenever possible. Everything else is just an oh-kay kinda thing.

Back to the bridesmaid topic. She then further explained that most of her friends and/or cousins are already engaged or pregnant or have become wives or have boyfriends, so I was the one 'single and available'. Talk about being totally literate here, smmack downnn.

Forget about jumping up and down, I was shattered. I shouldn't be, since I knew I couldn't accept her request in the first place. Let alone digesting her terribly sorry reasons. Wedding is a once in a lifetime thing, generally speaking. It's a one whole day event, or in her case three. We both are fairly close. I wouldn't know how to make her happy on her happy day, or calm her down when she's nervous. I don't want her to be upset with me on her most memorable day if things go wrong and I was one who couldn't give her the best way out ('if' is there). I wouldn't want just anyone to be by my side, if it were me choosing one.

All in all, what I'm trying to say is that I don't care if she didn't choose me in the first place. But the fact that I was chosen due to kawan da kawin la, cousin pregnant la. And what's wrong with asking aunties to be one? "Ish taknak la, dalam gambar nanti tak cantik." What about friends from Bachelor years or the newly wedded or engaged? "Tak boleh, nanti husband dia sorang2 je masa majlis tu nanti macam mana."

The worst part was that she doesn't seem to feel like her reasons are bad. Like hell man, you have one totally twisted, screwed up mind set. Apparently kawan yang tengah pregnant or aunties can't make beautiful bridesmaids. And p/s: kalau si isteri tu agree jadi bridesmaid, 1) sah sah la dia da dapat keizinan suami, and 2) pandai la suami mingle dengan boys lain masa majlis nanti. Kalau betul si suami tak boleh bawak diri, mesti la dia tak izinkan in the first place. Lulz. It's not up to you untuk decide pun. And p/s: kawan wouldn't mind to be your bridesmaid even if she's already married. Like duhh. "Oh tak boleh. Nanti suami dia sorang2 nanti." Seriously??

I didn't have these answers to say it back to her when she asked me that night. And these thoughts came in after a few days of consideration, and in the end I had decided that I wanted to help her. I told myself that I didn't have to 'be' a bridesmaid, I just have to be her friend in a fancy schmancy dress and help her for her big day to work. Takde orang lain dah if I tolak, and it wouldn't be fair to her if I back out last minute. Putting aside: that I was a last resort, that her justifications were horrible and that somehow the 'single and available' phrase sounded like a mockery. Baik kan.

Did you notice that everything is still in the past tense? Turns out that I won't be helping her after all. My 'replacement' told me that. Tadaa.

Betul bila orang kata bab kawin ni payah. Culture vs Religion. What is wanted vs what is expected. Who am I to have a say or condemn her words. Or reasons. I'm not in her position. Heck, ade orang yang tukar jadi bridezilla even before the wedding day. My stand here may not be strong, but yours is just as flawed.


Another piece of heart. Pardon me.

"Flirting is new to me, but I like it."

-Hazel Graze, 

The Fault In Our Stars. 

dulu lain. sekarang lain.

When you have time, 

do read this 

In The Pursuit of Marriage

responsibility

"Dengan kesibukan study di sini; assignment, final exams, lectures, etc, macam mana kita nak allocate masa kita untuk belajar agama jugak?"


"You see, Muhammad saw, in my opinion, back in his entire days, has exhausted any excuse that we can possibly think of. Kita nak kata oh saya takde masa, nak study nak study? No. Cuba tengok tanggungjawab yang dia pikul selama itu. Dia suami. Suami, bukan pada seorang isteri. Lebih dari seorang isteri. Do you realize how big the responsibility is to take care of just one woman? And I am not asking in a negative way, but for a man to take care and make all the wives happy, that's just ... amazing. And that is time management in one aspect. Dia rasul, menyeru sana sini pada kaum munafik. Dia ayah, dia uncle. Dia kawan, and he was able to make anyone, I mean anyone who met him feel like they are his best friend. His best friend! How could you manage time that well?"

Aiman Azlan, 24

Cabaran Generasi Muda Islam Pada Hari Ini

Kuliah Mega Melbourne, May 31st 2014

Muhammad saw is like the walking Quran.
bila hidup berpandukan al-Quran dan Sunnah,
pandangan dan cara berfikir jadi lebih positif.