a letter for the future

Dear future daughter(s) and son(s), these are your aunties and uncle. 

Should you find yourselves in frustration when arguing with me, always turn to them. They will be the ones in agreement of how stubborn I am/was. Of how my fuse can be easily triggered into temper. Of how easily I forget how to love people around me. 

They will teach you so much about love and life. About ups and downs. About family and friends. They will pull you out when you fall into a dark hole. And they will remind you that they love you over and over again. 

Then they will hug you and take you to the movies and sing few songs and whatnot. If you're too young, an ice cream should do. The flavour is on you. 

Dear future daughter(s) and son(s), 

currently I am in no position to say what kind of mother I will be. I'm learning so much, so much so, I think that being a mother is scaring the hell out of me. 

But I do know that your future father and I could make a good team in raising you up. He said that himself. It is my prayer all night too. To give you pocket money to school, to surround you with good friends, to show you how amazing Rasul Allah and his sahabats are, to teach you eating manners, and other manners for that matter whether in actions or in words. 

I may trip and stumble when saying all of this, and my actions may prove the opposite. But I hope that you'll come back to me, and I could come back to you. Talk about what upsets you, and what upsets me. We can compromise. Edward Cullen taught me that. 

"It's okay. You have given me options that you can live with. I chose the one that I can live with. It's called compromise." 

Can't believe I remember his words. Let alone quoting him here. But he's a gentleman. I like the way he sees things. 

Let's build a mahligai yang disukai Allah. 

Lots of love from your nervous future mother, 

me. 

rindu itu terkadang tak kenal tempat dan masa

Hati tertaut pada Melbourne.
Pada kawan seperjuangan yang petah, bijak bicara.
Pada gelak tawa tika bertukar kisah air mata.
Pada rakan yang mengingatkan kita kenapa kita diturunkan dari syurga yang sempurna. Yang mengajar kita di mana manisnya persahabatan. Dan rindu itu semahunya diluahkan. Diceritakan. Tapi siapa yang nak dengar?
Lalu Allah kirimkan dia untuk berbual dan menarik semula saya ke tanah. Telah jauh saya dibuai kealpaan bayu. MasyaAllah. Allah buang alpa saya tentang Dia. Buang alpa saya tentang kemanisan itu. Maha Besar Dia tahu macam mana nak pujuk saya. Lembut saya ditarik.

Benar. Mungkin saya rindu berbicara denganNya. Mengadu domba dan bercerita denganNya. Rindu pada rakan yang mengaitkan kisah 2014 dengan kisah para Rasul.

Good friends, good company.

so soon

Bella Swan, Eclipse. 

Oh Allah,

Is it possible to see the worst in someone and be able to look in the eyes with love fillah and not hatred?

Is it possible to see the worst in someone and be able to look in the eyes with love fillah and teach with patience?

Is it possible to see the worst in someone and be able to look in the eyes with love fillah and speak softly?

Oh Allah,

Is it possible to love someone fillah despite everything? Despite being ignored and the rude jeling and the harsh words? Is it possible?


Take me there, Allah. Please. Take us all there.



Mahalnya syurga Allah. 

"Eh comelnya gambar baby!!"

looks at the picture.

"Aisya, aisya da tegur la gambar ni. Sebelum aisya fly lagi. Aisya tak ingat? Aisya kata baby ni comel."

don't remember.

"Ingat pulak adha yang aisya cakap camtu."

"Ingatla. Masa tu first time aisya masuk office. I kan jenis observe."

Dia nak datang raya. 

*kemas kemas*

parting is such sweet sorrow

At the airport.

A girl and four boys, saying goodbyes.

She came to me then. It was my turn to say goodbye. "You were right before," she said. "About me blushing." Her eyes didn't meet mine.

Oh?

"Is it because they're here for you, to say goodbye?" I asked.

Short pause. Her cheeks gone deep red. She looked down at the floor. 

"... because one of them is."